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lately

As much as I currently love my manager, I'm feeling a little disheartened. I'm really hoping that by March, or at the latest, July, they'll be looking to hire me on directly. In the past both my manager and my supervisor have mentioned wanting to keep me permanently, and even before that talked about just being super happy with my performance and really wanting to make sure I stick around. I know that they took a risk when they upped the offer to take me on, so I'm slightly out of their budget (though hiring me directly could alleviate that somewhat I'd think). But in the past few weeks they announced that they were going to bring on a summer intern for our group. Then today, when I was talking to my manager (as a precaution) about the vacation I'll want to take in July if I'm still around, she mentioned that at the moment they're only really certain they want me to be extended past March. My contract as written I believe ends in July... but I'm worried that I might not get the chance to be around that long.

I know that my manager likes me. Not a doubt.
I'm just super tired of not having A PLACE to work. I don't want to contract anymore, I never wanted to in the first place, but once you do it - it's hard to stop (for various reasons).
I feel like if they DID hire me that my manager would be someone I could really work with for years to come, that she might actually look out for me if I wanted to move over or even up in the company. Being so close to that kind of work employee/manager relationship again and feeling like I might not get to keep it is so very frustrating. I'm trying really hard not to let it get me down and mostly, but not always, succeeding.
In fact, I've been doing really well the past few months mentally/emotionally. I do not want this job, getting it or not as a permanent placement, to get in the way of that, but it's sitting on a lot of things right now that are making it hard remember that whether or not they hire me, is not up to me, no matter how good I am at this job (or how often they tell me they like me/want to keep me).

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Since I've talked about the fact that a lot of the books I'm finishing lately are audiobooks, I thought I'd share that the current Humble Bundle is a collection of audiobooks. Currently the average price is a little less than $6. If you pay more than the average you get 7 books. If you pay less you still get 4 books. It's a pretty good deal. Of course it's my good luck that having just finished The Satanic Verses, it's one of the books available. :/ Still for me a buck a book is better than my audible credits.

Unrelatedly:
I came across an interesting post the other day on LJ about "sick systems"; basically, the psychological process that goes into keeping someone in a bad situation (personal and professional relationships). It's worth a read, although a warning is probably in order since the post is written as though you were wanting to create this sort of situation to keep someone around and that language can be hard to read around if you've been in (or are in) a system as discussed. While also slightly depressing to read, it's good insight on the sorts of things to look for in people or situations that might be signs it's time to get out -- especially because it'll be hard to do so.

PS. I am pretty much beside myself about the Mona version of Stand By Me used in the Hannibal season 2 trailer. Adding that to my small (but growing) Hannibal playlist and putting that on repeat. I'll resurface for other music in a few months, or maybe after I get to see the new season.

Comments

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rustdangel
Jan. 24th, 2014 01:42 pm (UTC)
It took years for the husband to get hired permanently. It'll happen, I have my fingers crossed for you.
dolorosa_12
Jan. 24th, 2014 04:44 pm (UTC)
Wow, that 'sick systems' post is so insightful and true. I've worked in situations like that, and it is exactly as the writer describes.
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