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Let me explain...

There is too much.  Let me sum up. 

You know that feeling when you're a teenager that your parents just don't get you?  Every teenager must experience that at sometime or another.  It's part of what makes those years so difficult. 
Now, imagine that feeling you get when talking to someone, anyone, and you think the words coming out of your mouth make sense, but somehow they're just not getting the picture. 

Okay, got those two feelings?  Good now, toss in lots of guilt, that horrible judgement that every manager/supervisor/director has when it comes to spending money, and a tad of over-zealous Christianity.  And now you've got what it's like to talk to my mother.  A joy, right? 

So, I spent about a half-hour around lunch today talking to my grandmother.  I had orginally called her to check on my grandfather, his health has been fluctuating a bit since the surgery.  After we talked a bit, and she caught me up on everything she told me that my mother was a little upset after we talked to her on Saturday.  Apparently in my mother's little world, she feels like I was blaming her for not wanting to give me the money.  Wrong.  My mother and I have a horrible time understanding one another.  Or at least communicating to each other so the other can understand.  I tried so very hard to come up with a conversation that would get her involved, and approach the whole money thing from a more formal point of view, hoping that she would understand.  Apparently I failed, big time. 

Here's the funny thing.  I suppose it's funny, if not a little sad, and a great example of just how much we cannot communicate with each other.  I hate asking my mother for money.  I hate asking anyone for money.  I hate not having it myself, or being able to earn it myself.  I know a lot of people don't like dealing with money.  I'm one of them.  And with my hyper sensitive worry-wart mentality I take it an obsessive step further.  Whether I want to or not.  I'm especially wary of asking my mother for ANYTHING, knowing as I do our history with communication.  YET, here's the great thing.  The reason she was upset on Saturday is because she feels that I only want her around for the money she can give me. 

I just can't win.  I suppose we're going to have to be eternally tuned into the fact that no matter how hard we try, nothing we do is going to make sense to the other one.  She can't justify spending that much money on my wedding, but if we'd asked for the same amount to put a down payment on a house, she'd probably say yes.  *shrugs*  I just wanted my mother to be involved in my wedding.  Give me some feedback on the things and places I'd picked out, and worked with me to help get things paid for.  Some where in there, neither of us understood, and we both left feeling hurt. 

Gods bless my wonderful grandmother who, understanding us both, has decided to talk to my mother and see if she can't help to start us setting things straight.  Let me also say that after lunch at work, is not the best place for a break down.  *shakes head* 


( 3 felicitations — Felicitate Me )
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 3rd, 2005 08:32 pm (UTC)

Thank you miss.
Feb. 4th, 2005 08:47 am (UTC)
I also bring hugs.

Dez's mother is a lot like that, I find myself almost talking slower on accident because I just have no idea how to make her understand things better.

Hope this pans out a lil better for ya! *hugs*
Feb. 4th, 2005 04:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you sir. It's good to know that I'm not the only one blessed with a difficult mother.
( 3 felicitations — Felicitate Me )